I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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