Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize