12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize