im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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