I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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