im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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