I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize