yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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