No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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