Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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