I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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