I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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