Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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