If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize