Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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