he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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