you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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