You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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