make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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