I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize