I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize