I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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