i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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