tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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