I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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