...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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