I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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