Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize