Jerry, you need to find god
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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