At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize