My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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