I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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