hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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