Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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