hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize