Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize