Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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