Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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