8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A+ Viking dick
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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