Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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