We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize