Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize