I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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