By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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