from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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