how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize