i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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