if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize