Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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