You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize